Welcome to the freakshow

"We live to hear the slack-jawed gasping
We live under a halo of held breath
And when the children raise up a giant shield of laughter,
It's like they're fending off death".



Probably one of my favourite things on the festival was the freakshow; a combination of 1920's performance art and a couple of the Suicide Girls. Burlesque, fakirs, sword swallowing...you gotta love it. The girls were stunning and if I was a man I'd love them, haha. :p Normality is overrated.

To those about to rock; we salute you.

Metaltown was absolutely lovely; blazing sunshine and a great atmosphere and I can't wait to go back. There really were people of all kinds there; everything from the stereotypical goth girls with their awkward body postures, pale skin, tulle skirts and slashed arms to the rockers with jeans and band tees. I saw so many amazing looking people that I wanted to photograph; complete works of art in themselves.

Seeing Manson was, of course, lovely as always although I can't help but feel that I do wish he'd perform sober -or at least a little less high -occasionally. Just for the hell of it, if nothing else. I realize, the more I think of it, that it was the rest of the band that carried him on Saturday; with Twiggy playing that guitar like his life depended on it. He's lucky to have such quality musicians backing him up like that, and if nothing else I suppose it's nice to see that he is still very much in contact with the audience; bending down, reaching out, and literally getting down on the floor -unlike Dir En Grey whose lead singer spent the entire hour screaming in his microphone with his hair covering his face; not even looking at the audience once. Mustach was fantastic in terms of connecting with the audience as well, Dir En Grey should learn from them.

All in all, it was a great day and seeing Manson on his knees, clinging to the sleeve of Twiggy's shirt so hard the knuckles on his gloved hands were whitening going "Let me show you where it hurts!!" during "Pretty As A Swastika" was orgasmic. I can't wait to go back next year.

The day the music died

I got the news at midnight last night, about an hour after it happened, and I'm still in shock. I just can't believe it and it is still so impossible to fathom. I had just fallen asleep when I was woken up by a text message on my phone. For a brief moment I contemplated ignoring it and reading it in the morning, but then my curiosity got the better of me, and so I read it. Two times, three times, four times. "Michael Jackson died from a heart attack today". No, this has got to be a mistake, there's no way. What do you mean dead, how can he be dead? it's Michael Jackson, he's supposed to be around forever. I got up and turned the TV on and there it was. I remember just staring at the words on the screen, it felt and still does feel so unreal. I catch myself waiting for someone to go "haha, it was just a joke". Because how can it be true? It's too unfair to be true. Music died last night and the world will never be the same. No matter what your opinions on his personality or his music, you'd have to be completely devoid of musicality to not see his greatness as a performer. Because as a performer...he was The One. Sharp, charismatic and energetic and so, so creative.

I realize that the past ten years were lacking in him producing anything worth mentioning and it makes my blood boil already to think about how the media that wanted nothing more than profit printing allt hese rediculous stories, are now saluting him as "the greatest". But I guess that's what happens if you're famous when you die. I wanted so much for Michael to have his pink, fluffy Hollywood ending. After a life like that...he deserved it. But life isn't fair and I think we're being very naive if we try to convince ourselves that it is. All I know is that the world lost one if its greatest sources of creativity last night, and the world of music is forever changed.

If you've never had the pleasure of experiencing a full blown panic attack, fast forward to 2:04, watch, and thank your lucky star.

Alcohol

While I am yet to post what will most likely be a very long post about my views on alcohol vs. other drugs, I have to get this out of my system. I've been thinking quite a bit about this for the past few days and the more I do, the angrier it makes me. The other night I was flipping mindlessly through the channels on that mind-numbing, soul raping device we call the television (that I do admit I use to wind down, on the occasions it doesn't winde me up...haha) and doing so I stopped for a couple of minutes on what is a show called "Paris Hitlon: my new BFF". ("BFF", apparently, stands for "Best friend Forever. What, are we twelve years old now?). Knowing full well it was going to make my blood boil, I watched a little bit out of sheer morbid fascination. And....Jesus Christ. I don't even need to explain what it was like as I'm sure you can all imagine (Spoiled, tacky media whore meets ten other media whores that want a piece of her fifteen minutes) but one of the contestants said something that totally baffled me. They all, of course, had to learn how to "party like Paris" and one of them, Sinsu, got herself fall-over-and-throw-up-in-a-bush drunk. As pathetic as that may be to me, what made it even worse was her comment on it afterwards: "Yeah I like to party, yeah I like to drink, but I drink wine. Wine is classy. It's not like I'm walking around with a big glass of beer or anything".

You fucking idiot.

If something gets you so wasted it renders you helpless and causes you make an idiot out of yourself, what difference does it make what glass it comes in?? This whole idea that some alcohol is supposed to eb "classier" or "better" than others makes my blood boil. It's that kind of thinking that enables thousands of women down their bottles of red wine at night and think they don't have a problem. News flash: drunk people are never classy, no matter what spirits got them that way. To make matters worse, I found thios quote from Ms. Tyra Banks (and I know some of you will love this more than others):

I don't drink, but every now and then I’ll order some wine at the table. I’ll only take two sips, but I’ll keep holding the glass 'cause it makes me feel sexy, but I still don’t drink it because it still tastes kind of nasty to me

Let me get this right. She holds a glass of wine because it makes her feel sexy? Yeah, okay then. For some reason unknown to me, apparently, drinking wine has this allure to it. What exactly is sexy about it? This whole diea that it's classier with a glass of wine than a glass of beer...is bullshit. It's a beverage, it holds no eprsonal qualities. It's exactly that that the people marketing it to you want to feel, you idiots! There's a reason to why most women alcoholics drink wine and not heavy liquor or beer. It's not classy, it's not fun and it's not fucking different!!

Vaken.se

Although a slightly bit too conspiracy-loving for me, it's interesting to see people who actually reflect upon things for once, even if their ideas are stretching things a bit too much (I'm just geenrally sick of Zionist conspiracy theories). The forum is interesting although I can't see myself taking part in a discussion on there any time soon.

Words of the day

"[My idea of perfect happines would be] to lose everything, I guess. Not life, 'cause then there would be no emotion. But lose everything, then you have something to look forward to."

~Twiggy Ramirez~

Rock is dead

Time for some Bill Hicks. Not that I'm in a particularily bitter or angry mood today, but because, well...he's right. *shrugs* I watched this clip today and when he yells "I WANT YOU TO PLAY FROM YOUR FUCKING HEART!!!!!" I started thinking and I realized that there aren't any real rock stars left anymore. That is something I really miss. I completely get what he means with banality and mediocrity ruling the music industry, and it's evident even in rock. The rock stars that used to be were just putting on a show. When they came off stage, the make up came off and that was it. Shock was just business. No one was being true to their art. Today, there isn't a trace of wanting to provoke left in any of them: Dee Snyder is married to a beach blonde and has a pink poodle (yes, for real), Ozzy is long gone physically as well as mentally, Alice Cooper plays golf with the aristocracy every Sunday...what.thefuck. Even musicians (if you can call them that...) that try to be anti all these things just do it to sell, when it coems down to it. A perfect example is Good Charlotte (although I have to laugh at myself at the thought of describing them as "rock" :p), who, when they first got signed, released the single "Lifestyles of the rich and the famous", critisizing celebrity worship and the fact that as long as you have fame and money, you can get away with everything. Now...their lead singer is dating Paris Hilton. It makes me want to fucking tear my hair out. I want you to play from your fucking heart.

"Genitals are like any other body part, only they're surrounded by mystery. But really, they're like your hands. You can shake hands with those you love and with those you hate. It feels different, but you can do it."

~Rachel Flame (Rakel Liekki), pornstar~

Men and women, boys and girls

As some of you may know I'm quite into my photography at the moment. Combining that with trying to look at what's around me usually works, and at the local book store the other day, I came across this:




In my silent mind, I wondered what a smililar book for boys would look like. Conveniently enough, there wasn't one, but I'm wondering if us girls now all of a sudden eat things the opposite sex doesn't? It's a strange world.

My complete photography collection can be seen here:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=106280&id=763548664&l=0fb38d4bab

Cursed with clarity

I went to my nephew's graduation party yesterday, and I had a good time. Late summer night,a fire and company strikes up a certain mood and I had a good conversation. Add me, my two brothers and a blanket and you have what makes a good evening. We talked quite a bit about the more serious aspects of our lives and ourselves, something I wish we could do more often. Turns out we've all developed a way of keeping things to ourselves as not to worry others. I also talked a bit to one mof my half sisters and found something out about someone close to me that I didn't know before. Although tragic, it changed things. It made me realize, fully, that as much as I'd like to...this is soemthing I cna't stop or change. I'v eknown it logically for a long time but emotionally I've still held on to it, wanting so desperately for things to be okay. But last night I found out it's been going on for so much longer than I could even imagine and the fact that it started when I was so little I can't even remember -even before I was even born- is what finally amde me accept the situation as it is, heart breaking as it may be. I came home at three thirty this morning and I cried. Not because of helplessness or worry as I had before, but because it broke my heart. I cried for her, for the fact that she's suffered so much for so long. It always has and always will break my heart...but I let go now. I have to.

Memories...

Fast forward to 2:50 ;o)