Gay adoption.Two such emotionally charged words in separate, and even more so when put together. I overheard someone debate the issue today, and as usual, I need to vent.
In the world today, there are thousands of children in desperate need of a loving home, or simply a roof over their heads. Yet these children, already having suffered more in a few years than anyone should have to do in a lifetime, are denied the stability they so desperately crave because someone, somewhere, got stuck when looking at the biological process of child conception, and decided that that is what determines how capable you are of providing someone with love, values and attention. So. If the only healthy thing for a child is a mother and a father, then that argument, in order to be consistent, would also mean that all single mothers and fathers out there...are unfit parents. That no family where one parent has passed away, whether be it from cancer, a traffic accident, or violence, should be called a healthy family anymore. Feels kind of illogical, doesn't it?
Sweden recently became the 14th country in the world to allow gay couples to adopt. The problem is that the countries that have the highest number of children in need of a home, are more often than not very traditional and religious, hence will not allow "their" children to go to families that consist of same-sex couples. And to be blunt, it blows my mind that someone can be so cruel as to deny a child in need of love and stability those things because of their own twisted morals and backward thinking. That is pure selfishness. And to then, on top of it, say that it's "with the child's best interest at heart"...is laughable.
The "think of the children" argument is not only the most popular one, it is also highly illogical and inconsistent. This argument is mostly followed by some "well-meaning" person bringing forth the B word. Bullying. Like it would automatically follow, and like it's an inescapable fact. Here's a newsflash for you: kids get bullied for everything under the sun. To deny gay couples the right to be parents out of the fear of their child being teased is like dying your ginger child's hair blonde or putting your overweight child on a diet before they start school, because ginger hair and extra weight stands out, which - gasp!- might lead to bullying. Yet no one in their right mind would ever consider doing that. That's just crazy talk, right?
So as usual, you are putting the responsibility on the possible victim, instead of the bully. It is not the gay couples that need to refrain from having children to avoid bullying from taking place; it's society that needs to change, and it is the other parents in the society we live in that need to open up their closed minds and teach their children that you do not pick on others and that love is love no matter your gender. That will solve the bullying problem before it even arises. And it also raises the question...if straight people are so much more suitable for parenthood than homosexual couples simply because they're straight, explain to me then, why it is their children that will very likely be responsible for the bullying of the "gay" kids that their own parents - and our so very hetero-normative society - so seem to fear will take place if we let gay people adopt? Hmmm.
(And while we're on the subject of teaching your children the right thing, who better to teach their child love and acceptance of everyone, than parents who have lived to experience their fair share of the pain that judgment and bigotry can bring? Call me crazy, but in my world, that's what parents do: take their own experiences and use what they have learned from them in raising their child so that they will be prepared for what may come their way one day.)
Ignorance and judgment does and will always take place. It happens every day. Some children growing up with two parents of the same sex will tell you it made their lives horrible because of other people's intolerance, and some will tell you it didn't affect them negatively whatsoever. Why? Because it's the same with this as with everything else. In the words of Chuck Palahniuk:
"You grow up to become living proof of your parents’ limitations. Their less-than masterpiece. Fathers. Mothers. With all their caring and attention. They will fuck you up, every time."
All parents will make mistakes, whether they (or we, when that day comes) want to admit it or not. But no one ever tells a straight couple that the mere fact that they've decided to have a child might lead to that child being bullied - in fact, no one would ever dream of saying such a thing. We have to wait and see, right? Let them try first, at least. Yet gay couples aren't even given the CHANCE to fail like the rest of us, and all they are told is that they will, automatically, ruin their children's lives. Because of who they are. Because they happen to love eachother. Now tell me how that makes sense?
