"But first you must learn how to smile as you kill"

Twisted world

No one can have missed the vampire boom that's completely exploded lately, mostly due to the movie "Twilight". And, of course, marketers being what they are, they see a chance to profit. The latest? A vampire dildo.

A company by the name of Tantus now proudly (?) displays their newsest addition to their sex toy collection: "The Vamp". Made to resemble that vampire-like, extra pale flesh, it can be put in the freezer "for that authentic feel". (Because as everyone knows -of course- vampires are dead, hence have no body heat).

Sounds...lovely.

Just a quick post

Dad just rung from Sicily (he asked me to say hi to everyone :) and we talked a bit. Afterwards, it hit me how happy I am that I know my parents as people, not just as "mum" and "dad". That I know their likes and dislikes, their favourite food, their favourite flowers or their favourite pieces of music. Their values and opinions...as individuals. Love. <3.

This is serious

:p

I don't know how to help you. I feel like I've tried everything, yet like I haven't done enough. No matter what happens; I will always feel like I didn't do enough. I wish happiness for you so much. Looking at how rough life has been to you makes me want to cry, and it's so unfair.

You weren't always like this. Once you were a little girl with pig tails and a Sunday skirt, with school and favourite dresses and a daddy that hadn't yet been taken away from you. You had bare feet that ran on summer grass and legs that jumped the freshly cut hay. You were a teenager with your first crush, a girl with music in her ears and dancing in her legs and someone who could laugh. I can't remember the last time I heard you laugh. You had hopes and dreams and plans...but something went wrong. Somewhere along the line things started slipping, and it turned you into this. It happened gradually and it took a lifetime, but your spirit is crushed. That little girl grew up, the teenager died and the grown woman that now are...crumbled. Since I was little I've wanted so much for you to be happy, and I don't know what to do.

Your life just carried on and things just kept happening to you, and if I close my eyes I can see you falling, getting back up, but eventually being too tired to, and that's where you are now. I know life is a dark place sometimes but there's beauty still left. There's sunny summer afternoons on the balcony, Céline's voice, family hugs. There's daisies and lilies and cornflowers...there's Robin. More than anything...there's us. We need you, I need you, even though I'm an adult now. You can't just leave me, it's not fair. Even if you might not leave abruptly, you are fading away and it is killing me standing by to watch. I know you are too wrapped up in everything to be able to think clearly but I wish I could just help you up. I've got you by the hand and I'm pulling and pulling but you have to climb, you have to help me out. I can't save you. It hasn't always been like this, but the way things are now is starting to taint everything else and it's becoming who you are. And it hurts.

The person that you are is gone. She's being held prisoner by this monster of depression and it won't let go. Before life took its toll you were a person, an individual, with favourite songs and interests...you were you. It is true you were someone's sister, daughter, wife or friend, but you were also you; a million different opinions and likes and dislikes that made up who you truly were before life beat you down. I can't find that person anymore and I don't think she's coming back. And I miss her. Sometimes I can see glimpses of her but they never last. I know you don't like yourself very much but to me...you are perfection. We are all flawed, but we can still be perfect through it.

I've got so much from you: my compassion, the way music gives me goosebumps, the way I'm a worrier that wants to care for others...I wish I could just re-wind your life and change it because you deserve happiness so much. It's too late and I can't save you and I accept that..but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I love you more than you will ever understand and I'm sorry I couldn't make things right. x

Quote of the day

"Anna Wintour, the editor of Vogue, was on the Late Show with David Letterman last night. Who cares? Someone probably cares. I don't care. She's the editor of a magazine. About clothes. What? It's 2009, you guys.

'But Gabe, Anna Wintour has influenced millions of young women.' That's too bad! Young women, I am sorry that happened! We should work on getting you some better influences.

'But Gabe, fashion is a 300 billion dollar global industry.' Gross. The only thing grosser than the moral bankruptcy of the fashion industry is the morally bankrupt fashion industry's self-justifications."

You decide if it's worth it.